TV Rots Your Brain
by Lioness-Goddess
Summary: Starfire takes a TV commercial a little too seriously.


A/N: Okay, how many times do I have to say this? I own absolutely nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zoinks.

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Starfire watched carefully as Beast Boy threw every non-edible foodstuff in the refrigerator into the trash can. Starfire sighed, she had gotten rather fond of the blue furry food.

Beast Boy would have rather not done the task either, but after a few too many threatening remarks from Robin and Raven, he quickly volunteered. Now he knelt in front of the fridge and held up a carton of milk, muttering to himself about power hungry rich boys who wore tights.

"Hey Star, do you think this milk is good?" Beast Boy asked, holding it out to her. Starfire took the carton and sniffed, only to shriek and back away from the evil milk carton, covering her nose. "I believe you can get rid of that as well, Beast Boy," she said.

Beast Boy sighed dramatically and dropped the milk into the garbage as well. "Goodbye, old friend," he said sadly.

"Extremely old!" Starfire exclaimed from the kitchen island.

Beast Boy frowned at her, and then examined the now empty fridge and cupboards. "Um…Robin?"

Robin looked up from the video game he was playing. "Yeah?"

"We need to go shopping."

Robin and Cyborg came over to inspect the damage, and when they were through, the only edible thing left was a can of spam.

"Why do we even _have_ that, anyway?" Beast Boy asked. Nobody knew.

"Well, looks like we're going shopping guys. Who's coming?" Cyborg and Beast Boy immediately put up their hands, and a monotone from the hall said, "I'll go."

Everyone all turned to Raven. "What? I want to go shopping and make sure Beast Boy doesn't turn us into fat superheroes who can't fit into our spandex!"

Robin turned to Starfire. "Star?"

Starfire shook her head. "Actually Robin, I'd rather not go. I think I'd rather…be goof and home off."

"You mean be home and goof off?" Robin corrected.

"Yes," Star said, brightening, "Although I still don't see what it has to do with that strange Wisney dog…"

"Disney," Beast Boy corrected. "And that's Goofy. But it has nothing to do with goofing off."

Starfire cocked her head confused, but shrugged it off. "Yes, very well. Um…if you would not mind, could you pick up some more magical cereal?"

Robin smiled. "Yeah, sure Star." He ignored the snickering of his teammates behind him.

Star's 'magical cereal' was actually just Lucky Charms, but the 'magically delicious' commercial confused her.

As soon as the four Titans were gone, Starfire floated onto the couch, only to begin an hour-long search for the remote. Finally locating it in a lava lamp in Beast Boy's room, Star returned to the couch and made herself comfortable before clicking on the TV.

Starfire's eyes were shining when 'Oprah' ended. "I wonder what is on next?" Starfire wondered out loud. She was distracted by a commercial that had just appeared.

"Buy this wonderful twenty piece kit for only 19.99!" An announcer was saying.

"19.99!" Starfire shouted.

"Yes, 19.99. A bargain. You can't find this in stores!"

Star's eyes widened. "I can't!"

"Hurry up, because this life-time offer will expire quickly!"

Star gasped. "My life will expire?"

"Hurry to the phone, you don't want to miss the opportunity of a life-time!"

By now Star was in tears. "I do not want to die!" She ran to the phone, and punched in the number the screen displayed.

"Emily speaking, how may I help you?"

"I do not wish to die!" Starfire gasped. There was silence, and then-

"Is this a prank call?"

Star looked at the phone in shock, then up at the TV. The commercial was over! Who knew how many precious life minutes she had lost already?

"No it is not! I do not wish to die!"

The lady hung up on her. Star danced around in a circle, trying to decide what to do.

"We're home!" Beast Boy's voice came from the doorway.

"Starfire, what's wrong?" Robin asked, entering the living room.

Starfire grabbed Robin by the shoulders and shook him hard. "I DO NOT WISH TO DIE!"

"Star, what-"

Starfire let go of Robin as the commercial came on again. "There, you see? I will die if I do not call, but the woman hung up on me!"

Robin began to laugh. "Oh…Starfire…" he explained to her what the commercial really meant. By then everyone was laughing, including Starfire.

"How silly of me," she giggled. However, she picked up the remote and turned the television off.

Just to be safe.

**THE END**


End file.
